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Shamu Attacks Circus Performer

A horrified crowd looked on at SeaWorld Wednesday afternoon as Kasatka, one of the performing killer whales, grabbed a circus performer (also known as a trainer) by the foot and held him on the bottom of the pool for over a minute.

Both surfaced for air momentarily before Kasatka repeated her amazing trick. It was the second foot attack at SeaWorld within the past month.

Shaken and white faced, the circus performer finally managed to break loose and was rescued.

As para medics tended to the trainer, Kasatka circled furiously around the tank and screeched out what sounded like, "Weeeeeeeee waaaaaaan tooooooo gooooooo freeeeeee."

The sound was recorded and experts in killer whale language are now trying to determine what it means.

"It's a total mystery to us," was the initial finding of the experts who are known to have translated over three million words from Killer Whale to English.

Why the orca did not actually eat the circus performer is also a mystery.

According to SeaWorld's web site, killer whales are "Active and opportunistic," and "...without a doubt top predators in the ocean."

The web page describes them as "The largest predator of warm-blooded animals ever known."

The SeaWorld website continues, "Fishes, squids, seals, sea lions, walruses, birds, sea turtles, otters, penguins, cetaceans (both mysticete and odontocete), polar bears, reptiles, and even a moose -- they have all been found in the stomach contents of killer whales."

Thus far, SeaWorld officials are remaining mum on the attack but it was leaked that Kasatka will have to take a workshop in anger management before being allowed to resume her important function of entertaining overweight crowds from the Mid-West.

A-8 Wreck"Until the situation is resolved, Kasatka has been confined to her yacht (shown left) at A-8 Anchorage in San Diego Harbor," her agent-manager said.

Kasatka's agent-manager, Nicholas Nightingale, from Precocious and Salvage, a top sport-star representation firm in San Diego, revealed the large sea mammal has been in conflict for some time and has confided in him grave doubts about her apparent mission in life.

"What makes her really mad is when people call her Shamu," Nightingale explained in an interview at the Westgate Hotel after the attack. It's like she doesn't have a real name just like she doesn't have a real life."

Until the frisky killer whale can return to duty, a giant blow-up replica of Shamu will be substituted for her during the closing moments of the popular attraction.

All the real killer whales will be shushed out of the tank and circus performers will sit at the bottom of the pool where the balloons will be quickly inflated. The circus performers will then ride the balloons to the surface and fly out of the water.

"To someone from Indiana it will look just like the real thing," one employee of SeaWorld told SoCalWaterfront.